Doing the Best I Can

Let me be the first to admit that I'm a shitty parent most days, but I'm doing the best I can. I have 2 little girls under the age of 4 and I swear, they work together to push my buttons in ways unimaginable. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and they are the center of my universe, but there are those days where the whining, crying, constant jumping around, and screaming at each other make me want to lock them both in a closet just to have a few moments of silence.

Social media does an awesome job of making me feel like a shitty parent, especially when my "peers" are involved. I belong to so many local groups on Facebook that it will make your head spin - The "Crunchy" Mamas (which I actually admin), Cloth Diaper Moms, Breastfeeding Moms, Working Moms, Local Families, etc. Most of these groups come with a lot of judgement from others if I don't fit the mold of the "ideal member" or "perfect parent". But the truth of the matter is that I really don't give a fuck about what other moms (or dads) think of me any more. I do the best I can considering the circumstances.

Turning 30 and a Year of Finding Me

I turn 30 in July. The number has never really had much significance for me and I have never had a problem with getting older. I embrace it, I welcome it, and I even look forward to birthdays even though no one seems to care about them, except me. When I turned 29 people started asking me if I was anxious about the big 3-0. I never really understood why it was such a big deal. It's just another year.

In January, I decided that 30 wasn't going to be "just another year". It was going to be THE year. My year.

My world had been ripped apart, even though I could see the writing on the wall and knew what was coming. I was navigating the waters of being a recently single mom who rarely got a break, learning to budget on one income, trying to keep my sanity with two small children who needed constant care and attention. I didn't have time for a breakdown after my ex moved out. There was too much to do and a couple of tiny human beings that needed me to rally and get my game face on.