Turning 30 and a Year of Finding Me

I turn 30 in July. The number has never really had much significance for me and I have never had a problem with getting older. I embrace it, I welcome it, and I even look forward to birthdays even though no one seems to care about them, except me. When I turned 29 people started asking me if I was anxious about the big 3-0. I never really understood why it was such a big deal. It's just another year.

In January, I decided that 30 wasn't going to be "just another year". It was going to be THE year. My year.

My world had been ripped apart, even though I could see the writing on the wall and knew what was coming. I was navigating the waters of being a recently single mom who rarely got a break, learning to budget on one income, trying to keep my sanity with two small children who needed constant care and attention. I didn't have time for a breakdown after my ex moved out. There was too much to do and a couple of tiny human beings that needed me to rally and get my game face on.

Starting Over

Ever since I can remember, a loving, romantic relationship was defined as one man and one woman being in a monogamous relationship. A man and a woman met, fell into a deep and passionate love for one another, and they lived happily ever after.

I guess you could say from the time I could comprehend adult relationships, I was set up for failure. I grew up with false expectations for what a relationship, and eventually, marriage should look like. I settled for the first guy that came along who wanted the same things as I did - get married, buy a house, have babies.

Part of the reason I settled for this man is that my world around me had shattered. My parents announced that after 29 years of marriage, they were getting divorced. I was 23. I had not lived at home in quite some time and from the outside everything looked perfect. Everything always seems perfect from the outside.  I was looking for normalcy and needed to prove to myself that "love" existed and that there was really a happily ever after. I wanted my happily ever after.

Best Weekend In a Long Time...

Being a recently single mom, it's not often that I get much down time without my kids - let alone four days. However, their dad has been planning a trip with them for months so that is exactly what I got - 4 days, alone, without my kids.

Don't get me wrong, I missed them terribly, but it was time that I really needed to recharge my batteries and a chance for me to experience life outside of home and work.

Just because I didn't have my kids, though, doesn't mean that I wasn't busy. Every minute of my long weekend was jam packed, but I also enjoyed every second of it and wouldn't change a thing. I was able to go on several dates with my best guy friends (more on them later) and I was able to attend the first concert of my adult life - Blue October.