Yes, It's true - I am dating a married man. And yes, his wife knows about it. In fact, his wife and I are actually friends and get along quite well.
Poly relationships can be complicated, but Nick and I both agreed from the very beginning that we would like to remain friends even if a romantic relationship didn't pan out. The second item that we agreed on was communication - it must remain open, honest, and candid at all times.
We took our time getting to know one another - neither of us wanted to rush into this relationship without making sure that it would first work on some level. Communication was key as we knew that each of us, his wife (my metamour) included, would experience many emotions and feeling over the coming weeks and months. We needed to be able to express to one another if we were feeling jealousy or resentment as well as happiness and contentedness. Every conversation is approached with an open mind and there is a mutual understanding that there is no judgement on anything we bring to the table. Communication is something that we continue to work on, but it has also been a great learning experience. I am much better now at telling someone what I am feeling and what can be done to remedy a situation than I was three months ago.
For the first month of our relationship, we focused on us - no significant others and no children were involved. We had a lot of lunch dates...in fact our relationship mostly revolved around that lunch hour a couple of times a week. We soon realized that we wanted to take thing to the next level and involve families. It was important to me for my girls to get to know Nick on their own schedule - I didn't want them to feel like I was forcing a relationship on them and to later resent me for it - although at 3 1/2 and 1 1/2, I found that they didn't care as much as I did. He ended up meeting us at the park one Saturday afternoon. I introduced them and then the girls ran off and played while Nick and I talked and enjoyed a bit of time together. A few days later, we mingled the families at a park and I met his wife, Amy.
I'd describe meeting Amy as intimidating, overwhelming, and awkward, but that would be the understatement of the century. After several months of dating Nick and spending a lot of time with Amy, I still feel very awkward around her some days - especially when she happens to walk in the room when Nick and I are kissing, embracing one another in a hug, or are in the middle of some silly, twitterpated, stare-down. Overall, she has been fantastic about the relationship I have with her husband and very accommodating to my needs as well. My children and I often spend weekend days at their house - we let the kids play, have meals together, and play board games. Amy also has other poly partners that will occasionally spend time with us. Most days, we are just one big, happy, poly family.
I was very hesitant to jump into a polyamorus relationship when Nick first approached me. I was worried about the stigma that comes along with being the "other woman". I was also worried about the impact the relationship might have on my social, personal, and work life and if it might interfere with my divorce proceedings or create a custody battle with my ex. Part of my "coming out" was starting this blog. I felt like I needed a place to just get things out there, and let's face it, even if no one reads it, it helps me as this is my therapy. I've also learned that those people that love me and call me their friend don't really care about my relationship status. Most people find it intriguing and want to know more about the lifestyle. I've found that if someone doesn't really agree with my choices, they are "soft supportive" and say things like "Whatever makes you happy."
This relationship with Nick makes me very happy...happier than I've been in a very long time. And I plan to let this run it's course and re-evaluate it on a regular basis like I'd do with any ordinary relationship. The best part of this relationship though, is that I am free explore other relationships and Nick openly encourages me to do so. That in and of it self is somewhat strange, but it's fun to get his advice about particular dating topics that don't necessarily apply to the relationship he has with me.
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