Doing the Best I Can

Let me be the first to admit that I'm a shitty parent most days, but I'm doing the best I can. I have 2 little girls under the age of 4 and I swear, they work together to push my buttons in ways unimaginable. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and they are the center of my universe, but there are those days where the whining, crying, constant jumping around, and screaming at each other make me want to lock them both in a closet just to have a few moments of silence.

Social media does an awesome job of making me feel like a shitty parent, especially when my "peers" are involved. I belong to so many local groups on Facebook that it will make your head spin - The "Crunchy" Mamas (which I actually admin), Cloth Diaper Moms, Breastfeeding Moms, Working Moms, Local Families, etc. Most of these groups come with a lot of judgement from others if I don't fit the mold of the "ideal member" or "perfect parent". But the truth of the matter is that I really don't give a fuck about what other moms (or dads) think of me any more. I do the best I can considering the circumstances.

I have my own opinions on how to raise my kids, and considering that they aren't completely screwed up at the moment, I think I'm doing a pretty awesome job. Honestly, I don't think you can fit my parenting style into any one genre.
I don't consider myself "crunchy" but more "granola" if you will.
We don't eat organic, and honestly, fast food is my go-to dinner on nights where I don't want to deal with cooking.
I vaccinate my kids, but I keep my oldest away from red dyes in her food (makes her a little crazy).
I believe in extended breastfeeding only because it's convenient and it's the only way that my 21 month old will go to sleep.
I babywear (i.e. strap my kid to my personal self in some sort of carrier) because it keeps one kid out of trouble while I'm chasing the other one through the grocery store or a crowded mall.
I have used cloth diapers on both of my kids, but we use disposables at night because I'm just too lazy to have to deal with the special care night times diapers need (experienced that issue with my oldest).
My kids watch way too much TV, but we also get out of the house and run around when the weather is nice.
I sometimes give in to temper tantrums because I just can't deal with the whining and screaming.
I scream at my kids when I have run out of ways to get through to them and I'm frustrated and I spank them as a last resort - I will admit that these are not my proudest parenting moments.
And there are weekends where I look forward to going to work on Monday because I just can't handle the crazy any more.

Lets face it, I was never cut out to be a single parent and this is certainly not the situation I ever saw myself in, but I'm doing the best I can. I'm also learning as I go. I may not be cut out for this job, but I don't have a choice. I need to rise to the occasion, rally the troops, and march on with my life.

I may not be a perfect parent in the eyes of everyone else, but I'm doing the best I can - my kids go to bed every night knowing that they are loved and in the end, that's really all that matters.